Why I Chose To Sleep Train My Second Time Around

With my first, I didn’t sleep train until he was about seven months or so at night and then around nine months for naps. I had a good routine with naps and he slept decent at night. But he only put himself to sleep during the night otherwise I would have to rock him. I didn’t mind it as he was my only child. It only took me rocking him for ten minutes and then he was good. It worked with us for awhile.

Fast forward to my second child, and that routine mentioned above did not work so well. I couldn’t devote a lot of time to putting my second down for a nap with a toddler running around. For the first one month or so, my second boy was pretty easy to put down and would sleep for long naps. But six weeks and on, it was a different ball game. He would wake up as soon as I laid him down and had super short naps. It was rough. I rocked/nursed him to sleep until he was about four and a half months. Which was way too long. I just didn’t feel good about sleep training him yet. But I could not take it anymore.

I felt extreme mom guilt leaving my toddler in front of the TV while I put my second down for a nap. Then it was frustrating if my toddler would scream or make a loud noise and wake my second up after taking 15+ minutes getting him down. I struggled with postpartum anxiety and irritability. The nap situation with my second and then my first going through a phase of refusing naps was enough stress alone. I was exhausted, impatient, overall not the best version of myself. I knew something needed to change.

Which is what led me to the choice of sleep training my second at five months old. Here’s the thing, I didn’t want to do it. He is only little once and him being my second, I truly know how fast the time goes. But I needed to do it. Because I couldn’t devote the time I did with my first to train him to sleep long naps and be put down without waking up with the no cry method. I knew (even though the process is hard) that we ALL would benefit from him learning to self soothe.

A happy mama means a happy baby. Don’t let mom guilt or outside judgement dictate your parenting. You do what is best for you. I knew my mental health was not in a good place. I was stressed that my second wasn’t getting enough sleep during the day and was feeling guilty that my toddler was having too much TV time. So I decided to do the cry it out method and it was the best decision that I could have ever made!

My second boy can now put himself to sleep for naps and at night time. He sleeps better during the day and night. Putting him down is much faster and smoother. I have more time with my first which means way less TV time. I am happier because I know both my boys are getting the sleep they need. I don’t get frustrated trying ANY and EVERYTHING to get my baby to sleep longer than twenty minutes. It’s a win win for everyone involved. It was a game changer for my mental health.

So if cry it out method is something you are interested in doing or you are at your rock bottom and really have no other choice, then below I will share what we did and how we got our second to learn to self soothe. 

IF you are just not there, (I so get it) or do not feel comfortable with cry it out, I will link my posts right under this paragraph about what I did to get my first to nap which in result did help his night sleep.

For a no cry it out option: How I got my baby to nap

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The very first thing we did is sleep train nights FIRST before doing naps.

Why? Because babies desire sleep most at night. It will be “easier” to sleep train baby for nights first since they naturally are sleepier at night. Once your little is able to put themselves to sleep for bed and during the night then you are able to proceed with sleep training for naps.

What We Did At Night:

So there are a few different cry it out methods that you can do. But one important thing to note is you HAVE to be consistent. You don’t want to try cry it out then not follow through. All you will be doing is causing yourself stress and not enabling your baby to learn to self soothe. So make sure you are ready to sleep train.

Be prepared for your baby to cry A LOT the first night.

It is SO hard to listen to your baby cry, I know. But this is the process and it works. They have done studies indicating that your baby crying it out does not have a negative impact on their development. As long as your baby is fed, changed, and in a safe environment then your baby is just fine. Obviously, if you think something is wrong or you don’t feel right about it then don’t do it. TRUST your gut. 

I decided to go with the method (not sure what it is called) where you check in on your baby in intervals.

I couldn’t do the method where you lay your baby in the crib and then not see them until they fall asleep. It made me feel better to at least have him know that I’m still around. 

HOWEVER, with my first I had to let him cry until he fell asleep without checking in because he would actually react worst to me coming in. Though, he was older when we did sleep training with him. He would cry way harder than if I just left him alone after putting him down for bed. SO it’s really dependent on your baby in what method works for you both.

For example, I would lay him down around 6:30 p.m. for bed. Then I would check on him after five minutes of crying. Then ten minutes from that check in. Then fifteen minutes from that check in and etc. going up in five minutes each time so that you are slowly lengthening the time you check in until baby falls asleep. 

The first night we did this, it took over an hour for him to finally fall asleep. It was hard and my husband and I almost gave up but I am so glad we didn’t because ALL that crying would be for nothing. Then the next night he cried for about 45 minutes. The next night was about thirty minutes and it was less and less after that. He still sometimes cries himself to sleep but it’s never more than twenty minutes when he does. Most nights he will put himself right to sleep or play until he falls asleep.

About one week after he was able to put himself to sleep for bed and during the night, I decided to sleep train for naps. Naps were a little trickier and took a little longer for him to get.

Awakes times and watching his sleep cues were important factors that made it easier for him to self soothe.

I would allow him to cry for twenty minutes and if he didn’t fall asleep then I would go and get him. I would then try the same thing for the next nap and he would fall asleep almost every time.

You may have to skip a few naps but eventually your baby will get it. However, if your baby is overtired then it is really hard to sleep train. So I would sometimes let him cry it out for one nap and then put him to sleep for the other naps to ensure he was getting proper day sleep.

Related Posts: Reasons why your baby won’t nap

Number one tip is to be consistent and stick to a routine.

It helps a ton. It’s going to be hard at first but once your baby figures it out, it will be SO worth it. Both boys are happier. Naps and bed time routines are so easy now. It’s been a huge mood improvement on everyone. Of course there will be hiccups here and there because baby/toddler sleep always changes but the regression won’t last as long since your baby has the tools to self soothe.

I hope this makes you feel less guilty in wanting to sleep train your child. I hope these tips help. And I hope you are on your way to having you and your baby get some good sleep. You got this, mama!